News Report

This just in from your reporter in the field, A. Looney:

"I'm waiting for them to find that freakin' professor. I think he ran off with MaryAnn."

LoB - Quote

Ex-leper: Spare a talent for an old ex-leper?

Brian: Did you say... "ex-leper"?

Ex-leper: That's right, sir. Sixteen years behind the bell, and proud of it, sir.

Brian: Well, what happened?

Ex-leper: Oh cured, sir.

Brian: Cured?

Ex-leper: Yes, sir. A bloody miracle, sir. God bless you.

Brian: Who cured you?

Ex-leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.

Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?

Ex-leper: Ah, yeah. I could do that, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose. What I was thinking was, I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the arse, to be blunt. Excuse my French, sir.

Mandy: Brian! Come in 'ere and clean your room!

Brian: Alright [drops a coin in ex-leper's cup]]

Ex-Leper: Thank you, sir, thank y - half a denarii?! For me bloody life story?

Brian: There's no pleasing some people.

Ex-Leper: That's just what Jesus said, sir!

Quote for Today: Life of Brian

Mandy: Your father was a Roman.

Brian: You mean... you were RAPED?!

Mandy: Well... at first, yes.

Brian: I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

LoB Quote

[trying to hear Jesus' sermon on the mount]
What did ‘e say?
He said blessed are the greek.
The greek? Whaddya wanna bless them for?
No, no, he said blessed are the meek!
Oh, I'm glad they're getting something, they have a hell of a time.

Life of Brian - Quote of the Day

[The audience members at the back of the crowd are having trouble hearing the Sermon on the Mount.]

Man: I think it was, "Blessed are the cheesemakers"!

Gregory's wife: What's so special about the cheesemakers?

Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

Life of Brian Daily Quote

OK - I was trying to find a Life of Brian (LOB) quote to go with my movie ranking, but ended up nearly pasting the entire script into my comment!
So I've decided to post a daily (or weekly, bi-weekly, whenever the F I feel like it!) quote from LOB.

We start where we should - at the beginning...

The Nativity: in a stable in Bethlehem, a baby lies in a manger. His mother, Mandy, is startled by the noise as three camels arrive outside.]

Mandy: Aarrgh! Who are you?

Wise Man 2: We are three wise men.

Mandy: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.

Wise Man 3: We are astrologers.

Wise Man 2: We have come from the East.

Mandy: Is this some kind of joke?

Wise Man 1: We wish to praise the infant.

Wise Man 2: We must pay homage to him.

Mandy: Homage? You're drunk, it's disgusting! Out! The lot, out! Bursting in here with tales about oriental fortune tellers. Come on. Out!

Wise Man 1: No, no, we must see him.

Mandy: Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on!

Wise Man 2: We were led by a star.

Mandy: Led by a bottle, more like. Get out!

Wise Man 3: We must see him. We have brought gifts.

Mandy: OUT!

Wise Men: Gold! Frankincense! Myrrh!

Mandy: Well, why didn't you say? He's over there.....Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is myrrh anyway?

Wise Man 3: It is a valuable balm.

Mandy: A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him.

Wise Man 3: What?

Mandy: That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough.

Wise Man 1: No, it isn't.

Mandy: Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...

Wise Man 3: No, no, no. It is an ointment.

Mandy: Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream it? So, you're astrologers, eh? Well, what is he then?

Wise Men: Hmm?

Mandy: What star sign is he?

Wise Man 1: Capricorn.

Mandy: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?

Wise Man 2: He is the son of God... our Messiah.

Wise Man 1: King of the Jews.

Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?

Wise Man 3: No, no — that's just him.

Mandy: Oh. I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.

Ode to Music

Music is motivating. It makes us feel,

Dance,

Laugh,

Cry,

Smile,

The loneliness of a solemn note,

The lightness of an acoustic guitar accompanied with the angelic voice of a harmony,

The earth-pounding thunder of the backbeat

The intensity of a thrash metal band

Lunging

Quotes

"I'm only here to be used."

"Know your role!"

Quote

"as long as there are two men that occupy the same space in time, wars are inevitable."

Angela Looney