LoB - Quote

Ex-leper: Spare a talent for an old ex-leper?

Brian: Did you say... "ex-leper"?

Ex-leper: That's right, sir. Sixteen years behind the bell, and proud of it, sir.

Brian: Well, what happened?

Ex-leper: Oh cured, sir.

Brian: Cured?

Ex-leper: Yes, sir. A bloody miracle, sir. God bless you.

Brian: Who cured you?

Ex-leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.

Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?

Ex-leper: Ah, yeah. I could do that, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose. What I was thinking was, I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the arse, to be blunt. Excuse my French, sir.

Mandy: Brian! Come in 'ere and clean your room!

Brian: Alright [drops a coin in ex-leper's cup]]

Ex-Leper: Thank you, sir, thank y - half a denarii?! For me bloody life story?

Brian: There's no pleasing some people.

Ex-Leper: That's just what Jesus said, sir!